Hey Funny Man!

The first house that my wife and I had was a rehab special. Bob Vila and Norm Abrams were on This Old House and we thought that we could do the same. Norm has a fleet of carpenters behind the scenes but that didn't bother us. Geez was I ever a dumb ass back then.

So it's another hot summer day and I'm trying to cool off. We did not have air conditioning in the beginning of our marriage nor could we afford it. We didn't have two nickels to rub together as the saying goes. So cooling off was important and there were various ways to do so. We could stay in the unfinished basement where it was cooler but the TV reception was really bad. We could and did put tin foil in the west facing windows to block out the afternoon sun AND block the aliens from our thoughts. Or we could eat some frozen candy that we had in the freezer. These candies were bite sized Mars bars and they were solid as a rock-but they were cold.

About this time, my two oldest came in from outside and they were flicking something out of their arm pits. They actually raised their arms and tried to stick their little hands in their own arm pits as if they were trying to imitate monkeys in the wild. I asked them what they were doing and they said that they were "flicking out the Neepo Beepo's." That's pronounced "knee-po Beep-o" by the way according to our 4 and 5 year old.

Now curiosity has gotten a hold of me so I raise their little arms to see just what a Neepo Beepo is. They had the little ropes of dirt in the crevices of their armpits and they were trying their darnedest to get them out. I saw that there were some crud ropes behind their knees and asked what they called them. Those are Neeps and Beeps because they haven't crawled their way up to the arm pits. So now I understand. They then followed with that mom does not have Neepo Beepo's because she cuts their heads off with a razor while she's in the shower. Point taken.

So we clean them up and send them back outside to play some more. I make my way to the freezer and pull out a frozen Mars bar and unwrap it. About this time my 4 year old daughter comes in through the back door and almost catches me with the candy. I very quickly and stealthy put the candy, the ice cold candy, in my arm pit. She asks me if I ever get any Neepo Beepo's. I slowly look over my left shoulder with the devil's own grin and rest my gaze upon my horror stricken wife. She's pleading with me in what can only be described as a low growl tone of voice that I should not show our little angel that I did have a Neepo Beepo.

I look back at my daughter and said, "Sure do!" and with that, I raised up my arm and the candy dropped out. I very quickly snatched it up from the floor and popped it into my mouth. Her eyes got as big as dinner plates when she saw this and shreaked, "Bubba! Daddy is eating his Neepo Beepo's!" and then ran out the door int the backyard.

My wife was beyond angry and said that sometime in the future, our kids will be on some psychiatrists couch telling them about all of the times that I messed with their heads and that is why they can't function in life. I told her that they'd be OK and not to worry.

About this time we see the back door opening ever so slowly and in come the two kids. They had wrapped their arms around each other holding on tight and were walking in lock step. It really looked like there were two heads on one body. My wife is still angry but now shes afraid that these two will start crying or something like that. Our daughter looked up and said, "Do it again daddy!" and we laughed as I gave them some of the frozen candy and explained what I did. They didn't care as they got cold candy on a hot day.
On the other hand, my dear wife stomped out of the house to cool off so she didn't really enjoy the day but we sure did!

A few years later I had a brilliant idea. I announced at the dinner table that I had been elected into Chicago's Medinah Shrine Clown Club and needed a name. It had to be something simple, funny and it had to make people laugh. The two older kids said in unison,"You have to be Neepo Beepo dad" and history was made.

People who have known me for most of my life either said what took you so long to come out of the clown closet or that they knew that eventually I'd find my true calling. Either way it was hard work and I'd try out all of my clown antics on my kids so that I could hone my skills. My older daughter taught me how to make balloon animals. They are in their late 20's and early 30's now and none of them are on a shrinks couch!

Maybe it's my turn.....