Saturday, April 19, 2014

The Paris Cafe

I took my wife to Paris, France a few years ago simply because it was the most important thing that she wanted. The timing was great though because I got fired from my job for mouthing off to the boss during contract negotiations. For those who don't know, everyone on both sides of the table are at the same level for contractual issues so if they yelled, I yelled back. I told them that they couldn't fire me because they had to pay me off first thinking that they can't be that stupid. They were and wrote a fantastic check and I left but not before I told my business agent to grieve it-next week.

I went to a travel agent and got two round trip tickets for Paris and then went home with them. My French speaking wife loved the idea and she researched where we were going to live and any site that she wanted to see. She asked why there were two tickets-because I want to go too!

So we get there and it's as beautiful as we dreamed and so much more. It was a little expensive but we were staying in a hotel in downtown Paris after all. We went to all of the attractions and took the Metro to every one of them. We went to the Louvre, San Chappel, the Eiffel Tower, La Madaline, Arch D' Triumph and Sacre Cour all within the first day. The city of Paris is clean too. Everything is cleaned up around 5 AM by workers. They wash every building, sidewalk and street down and it flows into the Seine river.

Every morning we'd get up early and go to a little pastry shop for breakfast to start our day. We were up at 6 AM or so and the Parisians don't stir until about 8 AM or so. All of the pastry's are too beautiful to eat and they look like little works of art but we ate them and they were scrumptious! Each morning a local guy would come into the shop around the same time that we did and he'd bring his vastly overweight bulldog with him. Both the dog and his owner were so fat they they had hot dog rolls on the backs of their necks and they waddled at each step. Each day he and the pooch were greeted by the shop owner and his wife as though they were long time friends like Norm on the TV show Cheers. By the way, dogs are allowed into places to eat in Paris. They have to have a sign that says no dogs otherwise it's the status quo to have the dogs eat with you.

So we're in there one day and in walks these two and they take the table that is behind me. My wife is on front of me and my back is to the back of the dog owner in the next table. He's taking some croissants, tearing them apart and feeds them to the dog. When the dogs wants more he starts to wheeze and bark-cough and the guy gives him some more. Soon the dog starts to snuffle and demands more. The guy complies without looking. Now I'm noticing a little pattern here. The dog owner is concentrating on eating, the cafe owners are not looking so I ask my wife to touch her nose when the dog gets up on his hinds legs just before he's about to beg. She touches her nose and I imitate the snuffle and low growl bark and say "croissant!" Everyone stops to look at the dog to see if he'll say it again.

The owner looks up at the cafe owners and they look at my wife and I continue to eat my raspberry tart. In perfect French, my wife says, "I guess he knows what he likes!" With that the dog owner sticks out his chest like he has the only dog in the world that can say croissant. Maybe he did. The dog gets some special loving and everyone is happy if not startled.

A little while later my wife touches her nose again and I start up with my shenanigans and now everyone in  the restaurant is convinced that this dog can say croissant. This went on for a few more times and each time the dog owner is more and more proud of his talking dog.

We finish and leave, the wife talks to the owners of the cafe and wishes the dog owner good luck and out the door we go. This is when I tell her what I've been doing all along and even she thought that the dog could talk. We're walking down the street laughing like we don't have good sense and wonder what the dog owner is going to say to his family and friends. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for those conversations!

I sent post cards to my shop and supervisors every day that we were in Paris. Sometimes I'd send multiples but just as long as I sent them I was happy. I knew that I got my job back and that it was waiting for me so why not have a little fun with the tiny brained folk?

The bosses immediately demanded that I repay the exit check upon my return and I said that some of it would be returning presently. It came back as post cards for the following two months and I made sure that I thanked them too!

We got our contract settled and the bosses knew that I had played them the fool but it was over and I won and the best part is that I got to take my wife to Paris!

3 comments:

  1. Fat Parisians? I don't remember seeing anyone over about 110 lbs the week I was there.

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